Meridian Diamond's Oneshot Dump
by Meridian Diamond
Summary: A compilation of old oneshots that sadly never saw sunlight...until today. From original stories to parodies, they're all enacted by Vocaloid characters! Ratings range from K-M, feel free to browse through the crazy junk. Mostly RinLen, some PikoRin, and some other pairings I like. File 2: Mafia!LenxPolicewoman!Rin
1. Harry P Universe Len & Voldemort

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Meridian Diamond's Oneshot Dump

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File 001

**The Dark Lord's like the funniest white dude in the Wizarding World**

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_Rated / T_

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Luka, Miku, Rin and Len all made for the large door they hoped wasn't barred from the outside. Their robes were flung backward by the force of their running-

Rin slammed into the door at her haste, fumbling to open the bolts. She casted the spells, but they did little good, for sturdy incantations were enchanted upon the locks to keep them from escaping.

"We can't get out!"

The others caught up with her and backed themselves on the doors, careful to create a safe distance between them and the dark wizard.

Luka concentrated on casting a complicated ice spell, imagined a glacier piercing through the dark wizard's body, but her knowledge of jinxing with her mouth closed was as insufficient as Defensive Spells.

"Look out!" cried Miku. "He's got a wand!"

"I've got one, too!" exclaimed Len.

Everyone came to a halt and the tumultuous tension was slit like a snake on a fool's throat. The girls groaned and wished it was something else they'd hear before they were spat at with spit to death by the darkest and most sinister wizard of the whole world.

What filled Izanami's Academy for Japanese Warlocks and Wenches was the screeching disgusting squealing of a hyena with a coughing fit.

Oh wait, that's Voldemort laughing.

He was slapping at Len's back like a brother and congratulating him with the joke.

"I've got another one!"

"Oh please do!"

And it looks like the fate of the world's yet to be decided, as the harbinger of the fall had been delayed to meet with the world's destruction all thanks to a dirty joke.

Perverts.


	2. Mafia Len & Policewoman Rin

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Meridian Diamond's Oneshot Dump

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**File 002**

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**You'd hope after being under different circumstances, there'd be a Titanic scene in Phantom-Thief-F's-Scenario between our favourite Mafia and Policewoman  
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_Rating/K-T_

Len's foot was stomped.

"Ah! Ah! Don't do that!"

He skipped with one foot, massaging his bad one. He'd been into too many mishaps this day—getting caught _each time—_to not know who was the root of his foot's misery. It was simply _instinct_. It wasn't like he could help himself from flirting with these two lovely girls!

The said women gasped at his agony, only a little while earlier pointing out to each other how handsome this delinquent was, before the black-haired one ushered the other to leave this strange man in his sorry expense. Len saw her nod, and he stopped bouncing almost immediately, careful on putting his foot on the ground.

"Wait! Ladies!" he cried, but his efforts on getting near them were futile. Wincing each step, he stopped, convincing himself they weren't as worth it as the previous chicks he so wasted the best of his pick-up lines on, however a session that was ended too quickly.

By none other than _her_.

Groaning, Len turned around in annoyance at the thought of her, knowing she was still behind him.

Ha, she was.

"You're getting too predictable, Miss Cop," he told the blonde policewoman whose name he wriggled out of the very few men he spoke to on the ship: Rin. Speaking generally, he kind of liked her name. She was pretty good-looking herself—blonde hair, blue eyes, the usual, but she looked like she pawned that stereotype and made it her own—not exactly drop-dead gorgeous, though definitely pleasing to the eyes. The kind that's a looker.

"I'm just doing my job." She gave him a glare—he wondered if it was permanently there when he's in sight or she only kept it on to keep him from seeing her smile. So she's shy, huh? "And will you _stop_ monologuing in your head?"

What? "What?"

"I know you do," she said, genuinely irked by him. "You're always _analysing_ someone. Those girls—"

"If I were to butt in," Len began, taking huge strides toward her with his good foot so that he was standing directly in front of her, "would you put that gun back where it's supposed to be?"

Seeing how he was tall enough to intimidate her in some way, not to mention undeniably closer than she's comfortable with, Rin glared at him as he returned it with a knowing smirk. A most devious sneer that sent chills down even the villains with blackest of hearts. They held that gaze for a long time, and then she finally gave in: She stowed back her pistol in her belt.

Satisfied with how cooperative she was, Len patted her on the head, ruffled her hair. "That's the good girl I know."

One thing's for sure, Rin the Policewoman was _not_ a good girl.

As he turned to walk away, this time not bothered leaving the guard a farewell because she's _bound _to catch him doing _something_ soon, Rin got him halfway to the deck.

"I've given you a fair amount of warnings already. If I see another toe out of line—"

"Look, I've no idea what your deal is with me," said Len, turning around to face Rin, "but shouldn't you consider what you're doing a federal offence?"

Obviously confused by his statement, the young cop loosened. "What do you mean?"

Hoping she'd once again be annoyed, he clicked his tongue and shook his head, like reprimanding a child who stole a cookie from the jar. "My my, Officer, even an observant young woman like you—"

"Don't you touch me," Rin snapped as he reached out to stroke her cheek. You think he'd _learn_ from when she slapped him in the face roughly two hours ago by doing the same thing.

Unfazed, sincerely amused by her sheer hatred toward him, Len continued, "—would've noticed you're stalking me yourself?"

"_Stalking_?" repeated Rin, looking more scandalised than before. "Is _that_ what you call it?"

"Tut, tut, Sheriff, do learn to control your anger toward a gentleman as polite as myself." Maybe he was just asking for a death wish, but come _on_! This was hilarious! "I know you're quite demure—"

_Demure_?

"—though if you wanted to look for an excuse just to talk to me—"

Talk to _you_...?

"—you don't need to resort to desperate measures." He leaned on the wall as if to encage her in an air embrace. This way, he wasn't really touching her, though she'd still be trapped, in a way that she wouldn't be going anywhere far enough where he couldn't reach her. "You could just ask."

"And why would I wanna _follow _you around?" Rin said, one hand on her hip. "Let alone talk to you?"

"A lot of reasons," Len said automatically, determined to stay on track, "Unless, there's something else that you want."

He kept his eyes on hers so he'd establish a full gaze lock: She, on the other hand, was looking distractedly anywhere but at him. What was with this girl?

Thinking that she was afraid of their close proximity, he stood a little straighter—and then Rin suddenly grabbed him by the collar.

He had no time for words being caught completely in surprise, for she caught him by the lips. Totally startled, Len didn't respond immediately. His eyes were wide as saucers could be, and he stood there stunned in the moment. This was the first kiss that he didn't admittedly expect, so it was very much on him. She was practically asking for it; Rin was going at it slow enough for the roughness upon the contact to subside.

Len didn't want to be left out, and he was beginning to like the taste of her lips. Like the suave stud he was, he returned it. He closed his eyes and moved her hand around his neck so she'd pull them closer.

While Len was about to cup her face with his hands, he felt a searing pain that slashed his right hand.

There was a snapping sound when he opened his eyes and let go of Rin.

"Hey! What'd you...?" He looked at his hand held high: She _cuffed_ him!

He glowered at the little—

"Now where's your boss?"

Len pulled his arm with all his might, scratched at the cuffs in hopes they were loose enough for brute force to let it come off. He should've seen this coming! But sweet bananas, he's starting to think she was his type. Her gaze was fixed on him, stern and authoritative as ever. Quite embarrassed to have fallen for such a trick yet impressed just the same—he should know better: She'd slapped him, stomped on his foot, pulled his belt off, messed up his hair the whole day. It was common sense to expect her to do something like this—he stood up in the least awkward manner he could. "What boss?"

Honestly, who?

A couple of people looked their way, and thought it not to be business worth interrupting or getting involved in. Len felt spared from humiliation. He didn't know if he should feel angry or amused. Rin prodded a finger on his chest.

"You've got something to do with the heist tonight, haven't you?"

With humorous effort, he held up both hands innocently. "Not to be rude, Chief, but I think you're being a _little_ too racist."

Rin squinted. "A Mafia's got to be here for some reason."

"Yeah, _vacation_." He rolled his eyes. "Do you honestly think _I'm_ part of the letter thing?"

"I didn't say anything about a letter."

Ah, crap.

"Well, news travels fast," he said. "Especially where I'm from."

"Can you at least tell me where your uncles are hiding?"

"_Cousins_, we're _cousins._" Len corrected lazily. "Just because they're old doesn't mean I'm too young to be their cousins. And we're not always together. As I said, I'm out here alone."

Rin didn't look like she was going to budge. That just made Len's eye twitch.

"What made you think I'm taking part in that?"

She looked like she had nothing to hide. "I knew something was on, so I went to the bottom of it. Look for information, dig up clues, and eventually I found that a group—the Mafia—sneaked in with this boat's tickets. I obviously couldn't handle anyone like your relatives, and nobody believed me, so I had to extract what information I could from the most vulnerable cohort."

Okay—_cohort_? They're all _partners_. It's a _brotherhood_. And he wasn't vulnerable!

"This isn't real," Len scoffed. "This couldn't be. I've proof positive that I'm not guilty—you've been stalking me _all _day. If I came here for one reason. It's _women—_I have nothing to do with whatever they come up. I came here _alone—_"

"No," Rin cut in defiantly. "You crept in through the large crowd claiming you were a rich man's lost son."

"So maybe I lied a bit." He flung one hand in the air. "But that's all I ever did."

He finished with his story, leaving out the irrelevant pieces. He had to say, this was the longest conversation he held with a girl for a long time. He couldn't say it was how he wanted to spend the rest of his time on the deck, however he did enjoy it. Albeit masochistically. Rin took her time considering his side of the story. Finally, she drew out some keys.

Len felt elated. She's going to let him go!

"Oh, thank God! I thought you'd take forever." He reached out to get it, but Rin dropped it on the floor. On purpose. "Hey!"

Len bent down to pick it up: For his right hand was still cuffed to the pipe, he could only barely touch it.

Much to his shock and annoyance, Rin used her shoe to move it an _inch_ farther away, where he couldn't even force himself to reach.

Sly move, Rin the Policewoman.

He cursed his luck and stood straight. Pleased with herself, Rin walked past him so she'd leave him there.

Len laughed in self-pity and turned around to say to her back, "You're going to let me go, right? Like a good girl?"

She didn't even look back. Len watched her go, and smirked—even though he had little hope.

"I won't be stuck here forever, Rinny."

His wrist hurt from the cuffs, but he was sure it'd only be soon before he'd be free again.

"Excuse me! Yeah you! In the Speedos. I'm kinda in trouble...Can you help me? ...It doesn't matter! Look, the keys are just there!"

This time, there's only one thing he'd be after.

"Er, no, it's actually my fault...I _have to_ get even with somebody."

Unbeknownst to him, Rin smiled.

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**Hitoshizuku****, ****Yama****, ****and Suzunosuke need to stop teasing me and giving me potential ideas for a fanfic TvT MAFIA!LEN AND POLICE!RIN WAS JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL TO RESIST! Speaking of gorgeous, just watched Trance. I've gotta say-I LOVE JAMES MCAVOY! XD His acting—his accent—his VOICE—HIS EYES! HOLY GOD HIS EYES. The only reason I watched Trance was because I watched X-Men First Class—which I watch with an entirely different reason—where HE was there! James was there! James-JAMES-JAMES! XD I do think he deserved what he got in Trance; he was such a d-bag. But I still love him :33333 He hit a soft spot on this tomboy. Just-so many shirtless scenes O/O That baby face gets me all the time (HEART)**

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ABOUT THIS FILE

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_Origin: My Documents_

+ It was only up to around 700 words until I fixed a few errors

+Rin wasn't supposed to be too mean


End file.
